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Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Dear Smokers

Once upon a time, at 3am, I had a rant about someone setting the fire alarm off. My friend Audrey decided to depict the following line:

I sincerely hope that one day, cigarettes makes your face catch on fire, and someone carefully tries to put it out with a beartrap

 




Previous post: Dona+10n
Previous comic: Jesus' Bubbly Personality

Friday, November 15, 2013

Dona+10n




Hi guys! I'm starting a charity for a group of kids who don't get a lot of attention. An aid organisation for Asians who are not so good at maths.

Every year in Asia, around less than 50% of Asians are placed below the 90th percentile in mathematics. That means that one in five Asian child struggles to survive day to day without basics such as honour, and their parents' pride. Every 10 seconds, the remaining third of this group forgets their times table (especially the multiples of seven), leading to severe academic hardship.
 
Experts say the root of this problem is due to multiple negative factors, and solving it requires a change in the order of operations. YOU can help turn these negatives into a positive with just a small addition.
For just $1 a fortnight, we can fund calculators, textbooks and help disadvantaged kids learn basic Asian arithmetic skills like counting pi backwards.
For every child that learns to calculate how to purchase 80 watermelons, the benefits are exponential. Whole generations stand to gain from Asians who can now function in society because they no longer attempt to divide by zero.
 
Please will you help? Show that you care. Make Bs and Cs history.
Your support will make a difference in their lives that carries over by one.

Support The Salvasian Army by donating and liking the cause.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Oxfam is a good organisation, but the benefits of this community-based organisation is that you know your support will directly be invested to a specific area of need.
Remember,
0 x fam = 0.

Did you know that 3.14% of asian babies are given breast milk instead of formula? Your donation can help address this inadequate mathematical nutrition!













A prime example of an academically healthy Asian child who now has their parent's love and affection. He is now well on his way to becoming a doctor.















We have started a green environmental initiative as part of our community-based work. Why?
By reducing the pollution and smog in Asia, we know it will make the lives of asians who are not good at maths better, as it means their solar-powered calculators will turn on quicker.
#thinkingoutsideofthebox


The Salvasian Army helps Asians who are not good at maths learn important financial life skills such as filling up to $50.02 worth of petrol, and not $50.03, so they can save a grand total of 5 cents.
------

For those who ask, the Salvasian Army is very close to my heart. My personal story is a story of mathematical hardship. Due to my low marks in maths, high school did not permit me to go through the Mathematics Extension 2 course. This discrimination meant I did not get the high scaling for university entry marks that other Asians received.

Also, I discovered that neither my Mathematics Extension 1 nor Mathematics (Advanced) was required in my university entry marks to get into medicine. This was possible as I did 15 units (more than the prerequisite 10). Imagine the shock if you were an Asian like me, to find out that over a decade of maths tutoring and homework, did not count at all to your final marks.

I still suffer much Asian shame and dishonour for this. As such, I am currently suing James Ruse Premedical High School for this psychological trauma.

Lik dis if u cry evrytim.




Previous comic: Jesus' Bubbly Personality

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

The Anatomy of a Greek Tragedy

Brain: Hmm how do I solve this problem?
Stomach
: I hungry
Brain
: Aren't you always?
Stomach: Food?
Brain: Is that all you think about? Food?
Stomach: Food!
Brain: I'll see what I can find..
Balls: I'm itchy
Hands: ... (sigh)
Brain: Nothing interesting in the fridge, celery, cabbage, watermelo-
Eyes: Boobies!
Penis: THIS. IS. SPARTAAAAA!!!!!
Hands: ... (sigh)

Previous post:
Jesus' Bubbly Personality

Sunday, November 3, 2013

The Responsible Corporation

Edit: This public health sketch for Med Revue 2011 can now be seen @32:52 of this Youtube Link


<Skit>
G is a Governmental looking authoritative figure.

C is a Corporate- figure. Slick and wearing a business suit.
Both are addressing the audience/camera in this skit.


<lights up>


Voice Over: This is a message from the Government

G: Hi I’m the Government.

C: And I’m the Corporation.

G: The Government is here for you. We plan to halve the number of smokers by 2020.

C: The Corporation agrees! And the best way to achieve this is to give them even more cigarettes.

G:  <to C> Slick, but we all know you just want to line your pockets. From now on, we’ll make you print warnings about the side effects of smoking.

C: The Corporation fully supports the use of warnings on packaging. ‘Warning: smoking will lead to rapid weight-loss.’

G: Hey that’s unethical!

C: But not illegal. It’s an undisputed fact that smoking will help you lose weight-

G: One lung at a time. Smoking causes lung cancer!

C: So does having lungs. But the Government will be happy to know that the Corporation are releasing a new product to help reduce smoking. Introducing, penis-shaped cigarettes.

G: How is that meant to do anything?!

C: What straight man wants to inhale from a tobacco-filled dick? Further, market research suggests this product will find a niche with homosexuals and easy women.

G: That’s horrible!

C: Actually it’s brilliant. Since all the sluts will die, teenage pregnancy rates will drop - and since all the gays will die, the Government won’t have to worry about the tricky gay-marriage issue. 2 birds with one stone. You can thank me later.

G:  Wow, you have no boundaries. That’s it!  From now on, we’ll make you print huge warnings about alcohol too!

C: Excellent idea!  The public has a right to know that alcohol may lead to increased confidence, and excessive kebab consumption.

G: <anger>  No! Health warnings like liver failure! And others like: Warning, you may wake up next to a really ugly man and bear his child. And the graphic would be someone really ugly, like...like like your face.

C: <puts Government’s finger down> Unlike the government, the Corporation cares about the people, so we’re adding birth control chemicals to all alcoholic beverages.

G: <steps in front of Corporation> Do not buy any of the Corporation’s products. Drink responsibly!

C: <Eases Government to the side as he steps in front> The Corporation would also like to announce we’re releasing a new brand of beer…it’s called Responsibly.
<puts arm around Government’s shoulder, leans on Government with a smirk>

So everyone, drink Responsibly ;)


G: No! Don’t drink responsibly! I mean drink responsi-AGHhhh.

Voice Over: This message from the Government was brought to you by the Corporation

<lights down>


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