Playing Scrabble today with a girl, I used all 7 letter tiles at once, placing down FELLATIO with a wink.
Her response? The low-scoring NO.
I might not have scored with her, but I scored a bonus 50 points, and that's what matters.
Excuse me, are these edible panties gluten-free?
Just waiting for my Cinderella and her Glass ugg boots
Got a date tonight, and it takes some time to get prepared. Putting mascara on my pubes takes a while.
My electric blanket has been recalled by Aldi due to warnings of a 'fire risk'. Poor buggers. It's like these blankets are being punished for doing their job of keeping us heated too well. I guess no-one likes overachievers.
If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends. kidding... I don't have friends
I'm so white that when I fist-bump the mirror, my reflection attempts a handshake
Some kids were probably playing 'the floor is lava' when Pompeii erupted
If Marvel put Storm and Aquaman in a movie, you'd get Sharknado
Although painful, as a teenager I didn't mind going to the dentist, because she was cute and had her boobs rest comfortably against my head during the procedure. It was like a secondary painkiller. Today at the clinic, totally felt boobs again...
If only my current dentist wasn't a chubby Indian man in his 40s
Tip: If your partner has a really annoying friend, just let it slip to your significant other that you find that friend 'really sexy'. Odds are, you're unlikely see that friend again for a while.
HUBBAHUBBA. AWOOGA. Arriiiba. hominahomina. Ugh. These onomatopoeias define my teenage years.
In hell, all grapes have seeds
Where's Wally, the best novel I've ever red.
"My boss has been on my ass all week" - Self-employed Yoga instructor
Anyone else watch Harry Potter, and was like, why aren't there more Asians and Indians in Ravenclaw? Although Ms Rowling, I did notice that you racially profiled Cho Chang into that nerdy house. Why you no healer yet?
You can tell a lot about someone's personality by whether or not they nibble the limbs off their Tiny Teddy to prevent escapes and to enjoy watching it scream, or directly biting off its head.
Is it weird that I like to lick between the legs of a tiny teddy biscuit, to give it one last moment of pleasure before biting its head off?
True story: When I was 16, I had a high-school girl's face in my bum, one of her friends at my crotch, and my face in another girl's lap. It sounds a lot cooler if I didn't mention it happened when I tripped down a hill into some Catholic school girls sitting in a circle whilst the rest of my grade watched on.
If I was writing a health brochure to dyslexic sufferers I'd put in a dilebaretly misspelled word to screw with them
I thought someone had put up random glow-in-the-dark comets in my room, but it turns out someone had actually just installed a UV light.
Is it racist that I'm extra cautious when I'm around asian mums with prams?
"You're a pussy"
"Well as they say, you are what you eat"
Confession panda bear: When at the Asian green grocer, I pat the melons just to look like I know what I'm doing to fit in, when I actually have no idea. They all sound the same to me. #tonedeaf
So tired of society's obsession with labelling people... you 'like' a few of your friends old bikini photos and suddenly you're a 'creep'
Babe, it's not about the size of your clitoris, it's how you use it.
Dragons produce fire in their mouths. Humans produce water in their mouths. Man > Dragons
I'm the National Chinese Spelling Bee champion
Being blind, would actually be a blessing in disguise if you were a moth.
Blind moth: "Hey guys, I don't get what's all this fuss about smashing our heads into a lightbulb for several fucking hours, to end up with burns and a concussion?" Other moth: "Nah bro, you've got to try it out, it's bloody awesome"
Peter Parker's job is to essentially take selfies
"Omg, green armour is like, so tacky, but first, let me take a selfie" [beat drops]
Previous Post - May 2014: Pancakes, Pizza and Popcorn
Her response? The low-scoring NO.
I might not have scored with her, but I scored a bonus 50 points, and that's what matters.
Excuse me, are these edible panties gluten-free?
Just waiting for my Cinderella and her Glass ugg boots
Got a date tonight, and it takes some time to get prepared. Putting mascara on my pubes takes a while.
My electric blanket has been recalled by Aldi due to warnings of a 'fire risk'. Poor buggers. It's like these blankets are being punished for doing their job of keeping us heated too well. I guess no-one likes overachievers.
If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends. kidding... I don't have friends
I'm so white that when I fist-bump the mirror, my reflection attempts a handshake
Some kids were probably playing 'the floor is lava' when Pompeii erupted
If Marvel put Storm and Aquaman in a movie, you'd get Sharknado
Although painful, as a teenager I didn't mind going to the dentist, because she was cute and had her boobs rest comfortably against my head during the procedure. It was like a secondary painkiller. Today at the clinic, totally felt boobs again...
If only my current dentist wasn't a chubby Indian man in his 40s
Tip: If your partner has a really annoying friend, just let it slip to your significant other that you find that friend 'really sexy'. Odds are, you're unlikely see that friend again for a while.
HUBBAHUBBA. AWOOGA. Arriiiba. hominahomina. Ugh. These onomatopoeias define my teenage years.
In hell, all grapes have seeds
Where's Wally, the best novel I've ever red.
"My boss has been on my ass all week" - Self-employed Yoga instructor
Anyone else watch Harry Potter, and was like, why aren't there more Asians and Indians in Ravenclaw? Although Ms Rowling, I did notice that you racially profiled Cho Chang into that nerdy house. Why you no healer yet?
You can tell a lot about someone's personality by whether or not they nibble the limbs off their Tiny Teddy to prevent escapes and to enjoy watching it scream, or directly biting off its head.
Is it weird that I like to lick between the legs of a tiny teddy biscuit, to give it one last moment of pleasure before biting its head off?
True story: When I was 16, I had a high-school girl's face in my bum, one of her friends at my crotch, and my face in another girl's lap. It sounds a lot cooler if I didn't mention it happened when I tripped down a hill into some Catholic school girls sitting in a circle whilst the rest of my grade watched on.
If I was writing a health brochure to dyslexic sufferers I'd put in a dilebaretly misspelled word to screw with them
I thought someone had put up random glow-in-the-dark comets in my room, but it turns out someone had actually just installed a UV light.
Is it racist that I'm extra cautious when I'm around asian mums with prams?
"You're a pussy"
"Well as they say, you are what you eat"
Confession panda bear: When at the Asian green grocer, I pat the melons just to look like I know what I'm doing to fit in, when I actually have no idea. They all sound the same to me. #tonedeaf
So tired of society's obsession with labelling people... you 'like' a few of your friends old bikini photos and suddenly you're a 'creep'
Babe, it's not about the size of your clitoris, it's how you use it.
Dragons produce fire in their mouths. Humans produce water in their mouths. Man > Dragons
I'm the National Chinese Spelling Bee champion
Being blind, would actually be a blessing in disguise if you were a moth.
Blind moth: "Hey guys, I don't get what's all this fuss about smashing our heads into a lightbulb for several fucking hours, to end up with burns and a concussion?" Other moth: "Nah bro, you've got to try it out, it's bloody awesome"
Peter Parker's job is to essentially take selfies
"Omg, green armour is like, so tacky, but first, let me take a selfie" [beat drops]
Previous Post - May 2014: Pancakes, Pizza and Popcorn
