Making Bras Appear in Thin Air!

I'm forming a group of five young, good-looking magicians.

We're called Mis Direction.



Previous Post: Seasons Greeting

Season's Greetings

• I put the Christmas lights up myself. Which is why I'm now in the Emergency Department. #innerglow #bowelsofholly

Dear Santa,
For Christmas, I want a list of the names and addresses of the naughty girls. I'm going to be proactively keeping a watchful eye on them. #sothatiswhyyouarejolly

• Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, I got a restraining order.

• Psst... Santa, the best present you could gift to those on your list of nice guys is a guide on how to get out of the friend zone.

• The worst thing about the Xmas season ending is how I won't have any decent excuses for hastily switching between program windows whenever someone else wanders into the room.

"Fuck off Santa"
- Cookie Monster

• Last Christmas, I gave you my tonsils, wisdom teeth, and an appendix, but the very next day you asked for my receipt (and health insurance details).

Dear Santa,
I own The Sims, World of Warcraft, Minecraft, and Civilization, so deciding what I want for Xmas tomorrow is easy.
I really want to get a life.

♪ ♫ Jingle Bells ♬ ♭
Waiting in the queues
cause it's a dead guy's birthday
Million kids lied to
It's a pagan holiday (ha ha ha)
Pay to sit on a fattie's lap
Everything's overpriced
Unwanted gifts unwrapped
Generosity commercialised!
♪ ♫ ♬ ♭
Jingle bells, Shopping smells,
Jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to buy
anything near Christmas day. yay.

"Jingle Bells, Batman smells. Robin laid an egg" is the first parody I ever learnt, so here's another that is more relatable: 
♪ ♫ ♬ ♭
Drinking at the bar
See a cute girl smile my way
A convo begins to start
Flirting all the way (ha ha ha)

She gives my cheek a peck,
I ask for her number forthright
She says "K give me a sec"
"You can have all the secs" I replied

OH! Single girls, single girls,
Single all the way
Oh what fun it is to cry,
With a glass of 'pagne in the face. hey! come back... please? (sob)

Have a Merry Winter Solstice!

Previous Post: Blood, Sweatpants and Tears

Blood, Sweatpants and Tears

I've been having difficulty falling asleep this week, but from 3-5am, my brain starts crafting imaginary conversations like the following:

"Why do you want this job?"
"Because I can piss on the job anytime I want without fear. Around kids too."
"... I'm sorry, but I don't think you're what we're looking for in a swimming instructor"

"Hey baby, wanna make a sex video?"
"Ok, give me a moment to load the Vine app"

"Sir Attenborough. Could you tell us some interesting animal trivia?"
"Gladly. Well for instance, did you know that 'animal' is an acronym of the phrase 'Im anal'? hehehe"

"My parents are gay. So yeah it's been tough growing up sometimes"
"Oh so as a baby did you ever get confused between saying "mummy" and "dada", and so mashed the words, calling one of them "dummy", causing him to breakdown because they've been feeling under the pump from being judged as a gay parent?"

"Being a feminist, I don't like my hair being pulled during sex."
"Oh yeah I understand what you mean. I can't stand the male dominance & female submissive tones of that act"
"Yeah... that's totally why (actually I just get really sore armpits)"

Son: "- and that is the reason why."
Wife: "Unbelievable. You're just like your dad, always jumping to the wrong conclusions"
Husband: "What? Are you saying he's not my biological son?! Honey, how could you do this me?"

"Any last minute edits for this year's Oxford Dictionary?"
"Sweatpants (n) - Eating pants"
"Done"

"Do you know what's the worst part of being a virgin?"
"The hand calluses?"
"No, it's not even the teasing I get from it. It's that I don't have an ex I can bitterly stalk on Facebook and then gleefully watch slowly get fat and uglier over time"
"You know there might be a reason why you're still a virgin?"

"If you get fat enough you will attract every woman in the world. That's how gravity works."
"Then I will be the fattest dyslexic the world has ever known. It's my density."

"Here's my pet squirrel. He's kind of hungry all the time."
"Aww what a cutie, look at him chew those nuts so adorably. Does he have a name?"
"Syphilis"

"Hey babe, so what's your fetish?"
"It's a bit naughty, but I'm into S&M"
"Yeah I like sleeping and masturbating too"

"Missus, you should think about a small change to our curriculum. If sex ed classes encouraged anal sex then the teenage pregnancy rates would drop at this school. It's a win win situation."

Mary Poppins: "A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down"
Kid: "But I have diabetes?"
Mary Poppins: "Shhhhh... only dreams now"


Previous Post: An Illegible Bachelor (of Medicine)

An Illegible Bachelor (of Medicine)

I still remember the shame of being the only person in my 5th grade class who failed to get their handwriting pen license.

Now over a dozen years later, I'm graduating to be a doctor.

I guess it was destiny.

How teachers reacted to my writing

My handwriting looked perpetually like it was the end of an exam that I had run out of time on:

A real medical chart.

Chinese characters were indecipherable enough already...

It's still hard to wrap around my head that I'm going to be allowed to stab sharp things into people and ironically be responsible for their health. In fact, much like a prostitute, I'll get paid to touch your junk, but unlike that noble ancient profession, my mum will be proud of me. (Thanks mum for all your love and support!).

My mum is proud, but my friends are scared.

My best marks tend to be in MCQ Exams -.-"
I prefer to think it's because that exam format is a much more 'objective' assessment of knowledge :P

I'll admit that studying medicine was not easy, and I struggled harder as the course progressed.

This might be because I slacked off during the early years, because I wasn't taking things too seriously. Just like a catheter, I tended to take the piss out of things, and clowning around in lectures/class was way more fun.

Trust me, I'm a doktuh!

In fact I still remember at the beginning of my degree, I thought you could get cervical cancer in the cervical spine.

What my questions during anatomy tutorials felt like

So in conclusion,

MuahahahahaNow I'm an asshole with a university degree.

P.S.  Now every-time my friends want to meet up, I'm going to call it a doctor's appointment to piss them off. I may end up with no friends.

Previous post: Stareways to Heaven
For another semi-medical related musing, see: Inhospitable Hospital Tunes

Stareways to Heaven

That moment when you lose an intense staring competition to a baby, and afterwards they have a smug expression all like "I didn't even try that hard".

Well yeah? Best of 3.

Oh wait, you can't even count to three yet. hah. In your adorable face.

  

Previous post: Dear Smokers

Dear Smokers

Once upon a time, at 3am, I had a rant about someone setting the fire alarm off. My friend Audrey decided to depict the following line:

I sincerely hope that one day, cigarettes makes your face catch on fire, and someone carefully tries to put it out with a beartrap

 




Previous post: Dona+10n
Previous comic: Jesus' Bubbly Personality

Dona+10n

Hi guys! I'm starting a charity for a group of kids who don't get a lot of attention. An aid organisation for Asians who are not so good at maths.

Every year in Asia, around less than 50% of Asians are placed below the 90th percentile in mathematics. That means that one in five Asian child struggles to survive day to day without basics such as honour, and their parents' pride. Every 10 seconds, the remaining third of this group forgets their times table (especially the multiples of seven), leading to severe academic hardship.
 

Experts say the root of this problem is due to multiple negative factors, and solving it requires a change in the order of operations. YOU can help turn these negatives into a positive with just a small addition.
For just $1 a fortnight, we can fund calculators, textbooks and help disadvantaged kids learn basic Asian arithmetic skills like counting pi backwards.
For every child that learns to calculate how to purchase 80 watermelons, the benefits are exponential. Whole generations stand to gain from Asians who can now function in society because they no longer attempt to divide by zero.
 

Please will you help? Show that you care. Make Bs and Cs history.
Your support will make a difference in their lives that carries over by one.

Support The Salvasian Army by donating and liking the cause.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oxfam is a good organisation, but the benefits of this community-based organisation is that you know your support will directly be invested to a specific area of need.

Remember,

0 x fam = 0.

Did you know that 3.14% of asian babies are given breast milk instead of formula? Your donation can help address this inadequate mathematical nutrition!

A prime example of an academically healthy Asian child who now has their parent's love and affection. He is now well on his way to becoming a doctor.

We have started a green environmental initiative as part of our community-based work. Why?
By reducing the pollution and smog in Asia, we know it will make the lives of asians who are not good at maths better, as it means their solar-powered calculators will turn on quicker.
#thinkingoutsideofthebox

The Salvasian Army helps Asians who are not good at maths learn important financial life skills such as filling up to $50.02 worth of petrol, and not $50.03, so they can save a grand total of 5 cents.

------

For those who ask, the Salvasian Army is very close to my heart. My personal story is a story of mathematical hardship. Due to my low marks in maths, high school did not permit me to go through the Mathematics Extension 2 course. This discrimination meant I did not get the high scaling for university entry marks that other Asians received.

Also, I discovered that neither my Mathematics Extension 1 nor Mathematics (Advanced) was required in my university entry marks to get into medicine. This was possible as I did 15 units (more than the prerequisite 10). Imagine the shock if you were an Asian like me, to find out that over a decade of maths tutoring and homework, did not count at all to your final marks.

I still suffer much Asian shame and dishonour for this. As such, I am currently suing James Ruse Premedical High School for this psychological trauma.

Lik dis if u cry evrytim.

Previous comic: Jesus' Bubbly Personality

The Anatomy of a Greek Tragedy

Brain: Hmm how do I solve this problem?
Stomach: I hungry
Brain: Aren't you always?
Stomach: Food?
Brain: Is that all you think about? Food?
Stomach: Food!
Brain: I'll see what I can find..
Balls: I'm itchy
Hands: ... (sigh)
Brain: Nothing interesting in the fridge, celery, cabbage, watermelo-
Eyes: Boobies!
Penis: THIS. IS. SPARTAAAAA!!!!!
Hands: ... (sigh)

Previous post: Jesus' Bubbly Personality

Jesus had a bubbly personality

 

Previous comic strip:  Milk and Cookie

Milk and Cookie

A delicious prank.

Previous post: The Responsible Corporation
Previous comic: A Big Lunch

The Responsible Corporation

Edit: This public health sketch for Med Revue 2011 can now be seen @32:52 of this Youtube Link

<Skit>
G is a Governmental looking authoritative figure.
C is a Corporate- figure. Slick and wearing a business suit.
Both are addressing the audience/camera in this skit.

<lights up>

Voice Over: This is a message from the Government

G: Hi I’m the Government.

C: And I’m the Corporation.

G: The Government is here for you. We plan to halve the number of smokers by 2020.

C: The Corporation agrees! And the best way to achieve this is to give them even more cigarettes.

G:  <to C> Slick, but we all know you just want to line your pockets. From now on, we’ll make you print warnings about the side effects of smoking.

C: The Corporation fully supports the use of warnings on packaging. ‘Warning: smoking will lead to rapid weight-loss.’

G: Hey that’s unethical!

C: But not illegal. It’s an undisputed fact that smoking will help you lose weight-

G: One lung at a time. Smoking causes lung cancer!

C: So does having lungs. But the Government will be happy to know that the Corporation are releasing a new product to help reduce smoking. Introducing, penis-shaped cigarettes.

G: How is that meant to do anything?!

C: What straight man wants to inhale from a tobacco-filled dick? Further, market research suggests this product will find a niche with homosexuals and easy women.

G: That’s horrible!

C: Actually it’s brilliant. Since all the sluts will die, teenage pregnancy rates will drop - and since all the gays will die, the Government won’t have to worry about the tricky gay-marriage issue. 2 birds with one stone. You can thank me later.

G:  Wow, you have no boundaries. That’s it!  From now on, we’ll make you print huge warnings about alcohol too!

C: Excellent idea!  The public has a right to know that alcohol may lead to increased confidence, and excessive kebab consumption.

G: <anger>  No! Health warnings like liver failure! And others like: Warning, you may wake up next to a really ugly man and bear his child. And the graphic would be someone really ugly, like...like like your face.

C: <puts Government’s finger down> Unlike the government, the Corporation cares about the people, so we’re adding birth control chemicals to all alcoholic beverages.

G: <steps in front of Corporation> Do not buy any of the Corporation’s products. Drink responsibly!

C: <Eases Government to the side as he steps in front> The Corporation would also like to announce we’re releasing a new brand of beer…it’s called Responsibly.
<puts arm around Government’s shoulder, leans on Government with a smirk>
So everyone, drink Responsibly ;)

G: No! Don’t drink responsibly! I mean drink responsi-AGHhhh.

Voice Over: This message from the Government was brought to you by the Corporation

<lights down>


Previous post: A Big Lunch
Previous skit: Asshole Recruitment

A Big Lunch

Previous comic strips: Chicken Doodle Soup

Chicken Doodle Soup

More random scribbles

Previous comic strip: Rainbow Refugees

Happy Halloween

My attempt at virtual pumpkin carving.

It's not very scary is it?

I think the following might be more horrifying to most people:

Refugees and Rainbows

Lesbian immigrants are the worst

Previous comic strip: Now You Have A Black Eye

Now You Have A Black Eye

Previous comic strips: Dr. Awings

Dr. Awings

A small collection of vaguely amusing comic strips I sketched whilst procrastinating from my final medical exam studies.

Update: The next collection of doodles

n.b. this is an old joke that's been around for a while. I just wanted to draw boobs

A reference to the '1 like = 1 pushup' Facebook picture that spread. I thought this was a more difficult and amusing challenge to attempt.

Dogs love Bach

Are asian babies cute because one looks adorable, and they all look the same?

GK - German Kunt?

sorry...

Previous post: A comedy skit about one dysfunctional man's attempt at finding a job (Asshole Recruitment)