[Parody] Justin Bieber's Sorry - Hangry

Is it too late now to say sorry?

Cause I regret what I said when I was hungry

We've all had those days where we become irritable and snappy just because we haven't had our stomach's satisfied. Here's an apologetic song for those moments.

Original tune the following parody is based off: 

 
Parody lyrics in the right column: 
n.b. Italics indicate an aggressive tone. Like a piano sheet, but instead of allegro, aggro.

Justin Bieber - Sorry	Parody
You gotta go and get angry at all of my honesty You know I try but I don't do too well with apologies I hope I don't run out of time, can someone call a referee? Cause I just need, one more shot, at forgiveness I know you know that I made those mistakes maybe once or twice By once or twice I mean maybe a couple of hundred times So let me, oh let me redeem, oh redeem myself tonight Cause I just need one more shot at second chances	You gotta know I get angry when I'm really just hungry I become more irrational than vegans appalled of cheese Unless you have coeliac, shutting the fuck up is gluten-free Cause I just eat, for my thoughts, to help digest I know you know that I eat twice the suggested serving size By once or twice I mean maybe a couple of hundred times What's the point, of a fridge light, if you don't snack at midnight Cause it's food, it doesn't judge, it understands me
Yeah Is it too late now to say sorry? Cause I'm missing more than just your body ooh Is it too late now to say sorry? Yeah I know that I let you down Is it too late to say that I'm sorry now?	Yeah Is it too late now to say sorry? Cause I regret what I said when I was hungry ooh I get so irate when I'm on empty Yeah I bite when my stomach growls If I missed lunch don't hang around
I'm sorry, yeah Sorry, yeah Sorry Yeah I know that I let you down Is it too late to say sorry now?	I'm hungry yeah Angry yeah Hangry Yeah I know I had a meltdown So FUCKING GIVE ME MY GRILLED CHEESE NOW
I'll take every single piece of the blame if you want me to But you know that there is no innocent one in this game for two I'll go, I'll go and then you go, you go out and spill the truth Can we both say the words and forget this?	Fine I'll take a single slice of the cheesecake if you want me to But you know that there is no way I'm sharing this steak for two Vegies with cheese on a crouton, is just pizza say the truth Fold in half, and just say it's a sandwich?
Is it too late now to say sorry? Cause I'm missing more than just your body Is it too late now to say sorry? Yeah I know that I let you down Is it too late to say that I'm sorry now?	Is it too late now to say sorry? Cause I regret what I said when I was hungry I get so irate when I'm on empty Yeah I know I had a meltdown Sorry I'm just not myself right now
I'm not just trying to get you back on me Cause I'm missing more than just your body Is it too late now to say sorry? Yeah I know that I let you down Is it too late to say sorry now?	I'm swear I'm eating more healthy (oh nono) Cause I'm asking for more guacamole Is it too late now for more curry? Yeah give me dumplings to chow down and some nuggets, pasta plus hashbrowns
I'm sorry, yeah Sorry, oh Sorry Yeah I know that I let you down Is it too late to say sorry now?	I'm hangry yeah Hangry yeah Hangry Yeah give me icecream calm me down OR I'LL MAKE YOU FUCKING SORRY NOW

Previous post: Valentine Throwback
Previous parodies:  Frozen's Let it Go & Ed Sheeran's A-Team

Valentine Throwback

To celebrate Valentine's day, here's throwback to a fun 2011 skit I wrote about a man empathising with his mate over relationship issues.

Link: I <3 Ribs
<Lights up>
<B gets off the phone and gives a long sigh>
 
E: What’s wrong B?

B: I am having girlfriend trouble…

E: What, you can't find one? Kehehe.

B:  argg…you know this is the reason I'm glad my girlfriend is

E: -imaginary?

B:  No, lives in another state.

E: ...of mind? kehehe

B: No! Anyway, the problem.... it’s about sex.

E: What your imaginary girlfriend gave you imaginary herpes? Kehehe.

B: Erghh. Seriously, why do I attempt to bother having these discussions with you. Forget about it.

E: Ok, no, tell me. I’ll listen.

B: Nah forget about it

E: I’ll be serious this time.

B: Really?

E: I swear, no jokes.

B: ok…  You know that look women get when they want sex?

E: <Thinks for a second> No

B: No?... me neither…  Well I always wants to get down to do the hanky-panky, but it’s always the wrong time. She keeps telling me she has to be in the ‘mood’… (sigh) sometimes don't you just wish there was a female version of Viagra?"

E: No, not really. Why, has your girlfriend got a really flaccid penis? kehehe

B: aghhh.
<lights down>


In the mood for something more romantic?
Check out this two and a half minute musical item from the same show: Time :)

Related post: 2014 Valentine's - He wants the V-day
Previous post: A Preacher Curl

A Preacher Curl

People spend thousands of dollars to maintaining their cars, neglecting to take care of the one vehicle we have to go all through life with:
our own body

Instead of buying clothes to look good, you should first prioritise spending time making the frame you put the clothes is excellent. A Lamborghini with a plain coat of black looks better than a Toyota Prius with a chrome finish.

 'My body is a temple'

It goes without saying, but health is intrinsically linked to a good life. Thankfully I am healthy, but I've grown more preoccupied with the idea of exercise becoming a regular mandatory routine similar to brushing your teeth. So I recently joined a gym for the period of a month to see what the fuss was all about to literally & figuratively put the abs in my flabs (heh... 'figure' it out? hurdur... I'll shut up).

It was truly an eye-opening activity, given I did not know squat about squats (sorry not sorry).

Asians are great at squatting. That's why we're world renown for our big booty.

.

After a few weeks, I realised going to the gym, was like church for fitness freaks

A place for worship

In the beginning, you wake up in the morning not really wanting to go, but after you come home, your mind feels lighter and happier that you did. It's a world full of strange terminology, and whose workers are always inspiring you to try your best. It's a field that takes discipline and sacrifice to stick to the core tenets. Followers have faith that their current suffering is temporary, and there is bliss at the end of the tunnel.
Protein shakes are our holy water, circuit classes our communion. Instead of hymns, we have Electronic Dance Music; songs you grow sick of, but still love.There are people from all walks of life, looking for strength in tough times. There are also hardcore fanatics who you dismiss as a bit crazy but secretly wish you were as motivated as they were.

"Stupid sexy Flanders" - Homer, Greek Poet

The following is a prayer I wrote for ye disciples of the pump:

A gym session is like following the Game of Thrones series. You're in agony, but it's a good hurt.
But I found that it's not just a physical effort to go to the gym that's the most strenuous, but the mental one. It's hard to maintain the drive to keep going when you don't see the results immediately, but you quickly learn that the best way to keep your chin up is by doing a chin-up (I can do 5 now...yay!).

Maybe gyms should also offer a membership package where you pay for every day that you don't go.

I guess that's what my gym membership already is.

Broverbs 1:12 Gospel of St.Hetics

If you're interested in another vanity-related post check out:
Attention Guys: How To Captivate a Woman's Attention Immediately!

A Light Hearted Dance

To celebrate the upcoming Halloween, here's a post about a dance I choreographed and performed in for Cirque Du Surgery (UNSW Med Revue 2013).

Behind the scenes:

16150 cells in this Excel table

My co-choreographer Ben and I went through sequencing which circuit which light-suits would switch on and off at every millisecond. Above is a brief screenshot of how we did it.

The lyrics to Skrillex

Also since we were using dub-step in the finale of the dance, and that genre sounds like a bunch of industrial noise, it was challenging to choreograph and sequence to every sound we heard. As you can see on the right, I wrote some lyrics so the dancers and I, could keep track of what was happening. Sadly, it's now one of the few songs I know the whole 'lyrics' too (Dubstep karoake anyone?).

Choreography and stunts during that light section happened in the space of about one week. It was super fun, but intense trying to meet all the deadlines. The fragile suits had only just started being finished, meaning limited time to practice and also issues like which crazy moves were feasible and broken wires arose. I may also have incurred a carpet burn on my head whilst face-planting after a stunt gone wrong.
I wish I had more time, and made that section longer, bigger, more epic, but I didn't account for the amount of man-hours it would take to just make the suits themselves. For just university students, I think we did well with our limited resources.
Also coming up with choreography that was unique and not just doing an easy copy-cat of what's been done already with the concept is what I hope I for. One tiny example of originality I'm proud of, is the illusion where one suit 'jumps' into another suit. In my head I can still visualise so many more things with light suit dances that haven't even been done by the professional troupes.



I spent an unreasonable amount of time on sound editing with Audacity (probably over a hundred hours) since I didn't just want a generic sound-track. I wanted humour, stunts, interesting sound fx,blended in an entertaining ball of craziness that exploded in a visual spectacle.
To do this, I mixed and edited over 13 music songs, and countless sound effects (I sourced over 300 sound files throughout the process). I probably enjoyed crafting the loop build-up to Gorillaz Feel Good the most, and spent most of the time crafting from bare-bones, the entire robotic section and percussion beats into Ben Lee's Catch My Disease.

Tracks that were cut but discarded include: Cypress Hill - Insane in the Brain, Owl City - Fireflies [I wanted suits to combine and make a huge flying insect illusion], Stan Walker - Light it Up, Jay Sean - Hit the Lights, Kanye West - All Of The Lights, Ellie Goulding - Lights, DJ Earworm - United State of Pop 2013 [Each song would be represented by a lit-up dancer], and La Roux - Bulletproof (Hyper crush remix) [as the finale instead of Skrillex].

The actual engineering process behind the EL Wire suits belongs to Hamish Pain, head of the special effects team. He's the brain behind the Arduino controllers and all that funky magical Wi-Fi stuff. It's basically impossible to compensate him for the hundreds of hours he put into leading them the team in designing the suits themselves. From sewing to trouble-shooting, and programming, his geekiness was our godsend.

 

Hamish and two directors helping construct the suits

Many late nights, and thousands of stitches

A sweatshop of trial and error

Aldri Indrayana, a talented guy with a background in fashion design, helped sketch the design of the suits. Each circuit; skeletal, arterial and venous had to be done in one continuous line. It took several iterations from the initial TRON inspired sketches, to get to the final version.

The very beginning. Pink ribs anyone?

Idea for the design on the back; a combined huge laughing skull

Final skeleton

As a medical student, I was finally happy when it was more anatomically realistic

Of course executing this design was troubling itself as EL wires aren't exactly easy to hold in complex intricate shapes.

Before green skulls on a balaclava, the initial idea involved black facemasks

That circle heart (aka Iron Man's Arc Reactor)

Hunger Games + Matrix

 

  

The whole squad

Thanks guys and everyone else that was involved :)


Previous Post: Get Protection
For Halloween: SHALLOWEEN

Get Protection

A sharp intake of air.
Then another.
And another.

Her muscles start to tense as she fights for control.

Eyelids fluttering to a close, her lips part.

Her back arches, trying to resist the waves building up inside her
Face turning red, in futility, she tries hold back the incoming eruption.

Despite exerting self-restraint, she starts to lose it…
Letting out a series of quick Ahhh’s
Shaking, muscles spasm, her eyes roll back as her head lifts back.

There’s a pause.

Her mind goes blank.

Then it hits her.
Waves pulsing through, she rocks violently forward, powerfully thrusting her face into his tissues.
Letting out a loud noise, in her relief, she involuntarily expels liquid everywhere.
And though slightly dazed she determinedly continues blowing with all her might.


“Bless you” he says.
“Thank you.” she replies with a smile.


Protect yourself. Get a flu vaccination today.
-----------------------------------------------------------

The flu epidemic. It’s nothing to sneeze at…
One of the greatest contributors to global morbidity and mortality; this virus’ main symptom - sneezing, can be physiologically attributed to increased signals and blood flow to spongy tissues (of the nasal variety). So how is it relevant to copulation? None, except that it got your attention and involves an immense physical build-up, messy release and can occur several times in a row. One mustn’t also forget how both can lend a sizable contribution to the spread of diseases.
So that’s why I want to urge everyone out there to get your flu vaccination before next winter. Prevention is better then cure, and with most clinics offering the vaccine at a cost less than $20, this is not only a pain-free, but very cost-effective way of keeping yourself healthy. After all, all the drugs and days off work will add up to a whole lot more than twenty bucks. And the feeling of a clear throat, nose and mind is pretty much priceless.
Now excuse me while I go off and write a story on how vaccination is like intercourse.*


*i.e. tissue is penetrated, its an invasion of foreign bodies, many are initially scared of it, its just a small prick, its over really quick, side-effects are bleeding, bruising & fainting, only the most religious don't do it and doctors provide this service several times a day... okay I might be deluding myself on that last one.
It's probably best if I leave this business of cliterotica alone to experts like Stephenie Meyer and E.L. James.
Anyways did you know sex is a natural antihistamine? "its emission phase provides a sympathetic stimulation and subsequent vasoconstriction and nasal decongestion. Also, the refractory period serves as a sympathetic reservoir and maintains the decongestive state for a considerable while."

ACHOOOOOO!!!
Well, uh... I guess I should go ahead and cure myself of a blocked nose... by myself now.

But no seriously get protected

Previous Post: I'm the next Shakespeare

Poem

A Dish

She had a lot on her plate
He was unwilling to wait
With demand
The man snaps his fingers
The waitress snaps back a zinger
"It'll take more than two fingers to make me come"

Flustered, he goes dumb
Up goes her middle, so does my thumb
The same pair that had led to what was said
As it slowly clicks in everyone's head
there's a ripple of snickers at the jerk
And her lips sneak in a smirk
Back to her work she quietly turns

Her tips well earned
Manners were learned
Revenge is best served cold to the burned

And some further food for thought:

We get it poets: things are like other things
— shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) September 8, 2014

Previous Post: Sexy Teddy Bears

Sexy Teddy Bears

Playing Scrabble today with a girl, I used all 7 letter tiles at once, placing down FELLATIO with a wink.
Her response? The low-scoring NO.
I might not have scored with her, but I scored a bonus 50 points, and that's what matters.

Excuse me, are these edible panties gluten-free?

Just waiting for my Cinderella and her Glass ugg boots

Got a date tonight, and it takes some time to get prepared. Putting mascara on my pubes takes a while.

My electric blanket has been recalled by Aldi due to warnings of a 'fire risk'. Poor buggers. It's like these blankets are being punished for doing their job of keeping us heated too well. I guess no-one likes overachievers.

If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends. kidding... I don't have friends

I'm so white that when I fist-bump the mirror, my reflection attempts a handshake

Some kids were probably playing 'the floor is lava' when Pompeii erupted

If Marvel put Storm and Aquaman in a movie, you'd get Sharknado

Although painful, as a teenager I didn't mind going to the dentist, because she was cute and had her boobs rest comfortably against my head during the procedure. It was like a secondary painkiller. Today at the clinic, totally felt boobs again...
If only my current dentist wasn't a chubby Indian man in his 40s

Tip: If your partner has a really annoying friend, just let it slip to your significant other that you find that friend 'really sexy'. Odds are, you're unlikely see that friend again for a while.

HUBBAHUBBA. AWOOGA. Arriiiba. hominahomina. Ugh. These onomatopoeias define my teenage years.

In hell, all grapes have seeds

Where's Wally, the best novel I've ever red.

"My boss has been on my ass all week" - Self-employed Yoga instructor

Anyone else watch Harry Potter, and was like, why aren't there more Asians and Indians in Ravenclaw? Although Ms Rowling, I did notice that you racially profiled Cho Chang into that nerdy house. Why you no healer yet?

You can tell a lot about someone's personality by whether or not they nibble the limbs off their Tiny Teddy to prevent escapes and to enjoy watching it scream, or directly biting off its head.

Is it weird that I like to lick between the legs of a tiny teddy biscuit, to give it one last moment of pleasure before biting its head off?

True story: When I was 16, I had a high-school girl's face in my bum, one of her friends at my crotch, and my face in another girl's lap. It sounds a lot cooler if I didn't mention it happened when I tripped down a hill into some Catholic school girls sitting in a circle whilst the rest of my grade watched on.

If I was writing a health brochure to dyslexic sufferers I'd put in a dilebaretly misspelled word to screw with them

I thought someone had put up random glow-in-the-dark comets in my room, but it turns out someone had actually just installed a UV light.

Is it racist that I'm extra cautious when I'm around asian mums with prams?

"You're a pussy"
"Well as they say, you are what you eat"

Confession panda bear: When at the Asian green grocer, I pat the melons just to look like I know what I'm doing to fit in, when I actually have no idea. They all sound the same to me. #tonedeaf

So tired of society's obsession with labelling people... you 'like' a few of your friends old bikini photos and suddenly you're a 'creep'

Babe, it's not about the size of your clitoris, it's how you use it.

Dragons produce fire in their mouths. Humans produce water in their mouths.  Man > Dragons

I'm the National Chinese Spelling Bee champion

Being blind, would actually be a blessing in disguise if you were a moth.
Blind moth: "Hey guys, I don't get what's all this fuss about smashing our heads into a lightbulb for several fucking hours, to end up with burns and a concussion?" Other moth: "Nah bro, you've got to try it out, it's bloody awesome"

Peter Parker's job is to essentially take selfies
"Omg, green armour is like, so tacky, but first, let me take a selfie" [beat drops]




Previous Post - May 2014: Pancakes, Pizza and Popcorn