Edit: This public health sketch for Med Revue 2011 can now be seen @32:52 of this Youtube Link
<Skit>
G is a Governmental looking authoritative figure.
C is a Corporate- figure. Slick and wearing a business suit.
Both are addressing the audience/camera in this skit.
<lights up>
Voice Over: This is a message from the Government
G: Hi I’m the Government.
C: And I’m the Corporation.
G: The Government is here for you. We plan to halve the number of smokers by 2020.
C: The Corporation agrees! And the best way to achieve this is to give them even more cigarettes.
G: <to C> Slick, but we all know you just want to line your pockets. From now on, we’ll make you print warnings about the side effects of smoking.
C: The Corporation fully supports the use of warnings on packaging. ‘Warning: smoking will lead to rapid weight-loss.’
G: Hey that’s unethical!
C: But not illegal. It’s an undisputed fact that smoking will help you lose weight-
G: One lung at a time. Smoking causes lung cancer!
C: So does having lungs. But the Government will be happy to know that the Corporation are releasing a new product to help reduce smoking. Introducing, penis-shaped cigarettes.
G: How is that meant to do anything?!
C: What straight man wants to inhale from a tobacco-filled dick? Further, market research suggests this product will find a niche with homosexuals and easy women.
G: That’s horrible!
C: Actually it’s brilliant. Since all the sluts will die, teenage pregnancy rates will drop - and since all the gays will die, the Government won’t have to worry about the tricky gay-marriage issue. 2 birds with one stone. You can thank me later.
G: Wow, you have no boundaries. That’s it! From now on, we’ll make you print huge warnings about alcohol too!
C: Excellent idea! The public has a right to know that alcohol may lead to increased confidence, and excessive kebab consumption.
G: <anger> No! Health warnings like liver failure! And others like: Warning, you may wake up next to a really ugly man and bear his child. And the graphic would be someone really ugly, like...like like your face.
C: <puts Government’s finger down> Unlike the government, the Corporation cares about the people, so we’re adding birth control chemicals to all alcoholic beverages.
G: <steps in front of Corporation> Do not buy any of the Corporation’s products. Drink responsibly!
C: <Eases Government to the side as he steps in front> The Corporation would also like to announce we’re releasing a new brand of beer…it’s called Responsibly.
<puts arm around Government’s shoulder, leans on Government with a smirk>
So everyone, drink Responsibly ;)
G: No! Don’t drink responsibly! I mean drink responsi-AGHhhh.
Voice Over: This message from the Government was brought to you by the Corporation
<lights down>
Previous post: A Big Lunch
Previous skit: Asshole Recruitment
G is a Governmental looking authoritative figure.
C is a Corporate- figure. Slick and wearing a business suit.
Both are addressing the audience/camera in this skit.
<lights up>
Voice Over: This is a message from the Government
G: Hi I’m the Government.
C: And I’m the Corporation.
G: The Government is here for you. We plan to halve the number of smokers by 2020.
C: The Corporation agrees! And the best way to achieve this is to give them even more cigarettes.
G: <to C> Slick, but we all know you just want to line your pockets. From now on, we’ll make you print warnings about the side effects of smoking.
C: The Corporation fully supports the use of warnings on packaging. ‘Warning: smoking will lead to rapid weight-loss.’
G: Hey that’s unethical!
C: But not illegal. It’s an undisputed fact that smoking will help you lose weight-
G: One lung at a time. Smoking causes lung cancer!
C: So does having lungs. But the Government will be happy to know that the Corporation are releasing a new product to help reduce smoking. Introducing, penis-shaped cigarettes.
G: How is that meant to do anything?!
C: What straight man wants to inhale from a tobacco-filled dick? Further, market research suggests this product will find a niche with homosexuals and easy women.
G: That’s horrible!
C: Actually it’s brilliant. Since all the sluts will die, teenage pregnancy rates will drop - and since all the gays will die, the Government won’t have to worry about the tricky gay-marriage issue. 2 birds with one stone. You can thank me later.
G: Wow, you have no boundaries. That’s it! From now on, we’ll make you print huge warnings about alcohol too!
C: Excellent idea! The public has a right to know that alcohol may lead to increased confidence, and excessive kebab consumption.
G: <anger> No! Health warnings like liver failure! And others like: Warning, you may wake up next to a really ugly man and bear his child. And the graphic would be someone really ugly, like...like like your face.
C: <puts Government’s finger down> Unlike the government, the Corporation cares about the people, so we’re adding birth control chemicals to all alcoholic beverages.
G: <steps in front of Corporation> Do not buy any of the Corporation’s products. Drink responsibly!
C: <Eases Government to the side as he steps in front> The Corporation would also like to announce we’re releasing a new brand of beer…it’s called Responsibly.
<puts arm around Government’s shoulder, leans on Government with a smirk>
So everyone, drink Responsibly ;)
G: No! Don’t drink responsibly! I mean drink responsi-AGHhhh.
Voice Over: This message from the Government was brought to you by the Corporation
<lights down>
Previous post: A Big Lunch
Previous skit: Asshole Recruitment
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