Dr. Shuffle

Physician or Surgeon?

The big question medical students face in their first decision regarding the future of their medical career.
Both sides have their proponents, each espousing the benefits of their field of medicine whilst dissing each like it's West Side Story, when they are in fact just two sides of the same coin. (By the way, Ward Side Story is a medical parody musical I've been writing since last year, but who knows when I'll complete it).

But I realised that one advantage that no-one ever mentions is that surgeons can  play their own soundtrack whilst they work. Sure, standing up for hours on end is a bitch, but perhaps that wouldn't be too bad if one could shuffle whilst cauterising...

Party Rock Anthem - by LMFAO

Party Doc Anthem Parody – by LMFAO-inhibitors

PARTY ROCK YEA Whoa!!!! LET'S GO!! Party rock is in the house tonight Everybody just have a good time And we gonna make you lose your mind Everybody just have a good time (clap) Party rock is in the house tonight Everybody just have a good time And we gonna make you lose your mind We just wanna see you! Shake that! In the club party rock,  look for your girl She on my jock non stop when we in the spot Booty move away like she on the block What the track I got to know Top jeans tattoo cause I'm rock and roll Half black half white domino Gain the money out the door Yo!! I'm running through these hoes like drano I got that devilish flow rock and roll no halo We party rock yea!  that's the crew that I'm repping On the rise to the top no led in our zeppelin Hey!!! Party rock is in the house tonight Everybody just have a good time And we gonna make you lose your mind Everybody just have a good time (let’s go) Party rock is in the house tonight Everybody just have a good time (feel it baby) And we gonna make you lose your mind We just wanna see you! Shake that! Every day I'm shuffling Shuffling shuffling Shuffling shuffling Step up fast and be the first girl to make me throw this cash We get money don't be mad now stop, hating is bad One more shot for us Another round Please fill up my cup Don't mess around We just wanna see You shake it now Now you wanna be You're naked now Get up get down put your hands up to the sound [3x] Put your hands up to the sound [2x] Get up [9x] Put your hands up to the sound, to the sound Put your hands up! Put your hands up! Put your hands up! Party rock is in the house tonight Everybody just have a good time And we gonna make you lose your mind Everybody just have a good good good time Oh! Oh! Put your hands up Oh! Oh! Time to fill it now!!!! Put your hands up Oh!!!Oh!!!Put your hands up Shake that! Every day I'm shuffling Put your Put your Put your Put your (Yeah Yeah) Put your Put your (Whoa!!!) Put your Put your Put your hands up Your hands up Push your hands up Everyday I'm shufflin'

HEART IS BLOCKED! YEA Whoa!!!! LET’S GO!! Surgeons are in the ward tonight Patient’s body’s running out of time And they say my stitch in time saves nine Coming in to lengthen a lifeline (*glove* snap) Diagnosing better than House tonight Everybody’s researching Medline And stabilising your vital signs Gonna Be I C U {alt: It’s a Code Blue!} Slice That! In my scrubs, they’re in shock,  hit on the nurse,  Coronary blocked, heart stop when they got the clot Pressure rising high like my blue chip stock I’ve worked it out, cardio Blood screens O 2 aneurysm blows Stick you back together Lego Leg got gangrene use bone saw Yo!! Scope running through key holes , it’s laparo I’ve got the Victor Chang flow, bigger balls, than Teo We super docs yeah!  that's why my team is prepping On the rise with a chop none dead from my scalpellin’ Hey!!! Cardi-shock is in the ward tonight Nurses wanna marry me all the time Debridements, and biopsies all night Pump those drugs through IV line (Hippo*-crates*) Plastic surgery is a gold-mine C-section just saved two lives (feel it baby) Girls call me McScrewMe cause I’m fine We get peer reviewed! Cite that! Everyday I'm suturing Scalpelling Scalpelling Stapling Stapling Strep’s up fast, gotta put my gloves on to prevent gold staph King of doctors, doctor of kings, Lord of, the SutuRing Anasto-Moses Another round Of silicone in her cup PQR-mess around With your ECG In my blue gowns Read Gray’s anatomy We’re making out Prep up, scrub gowns, put your scans up, ultrasound [3x] Put your scans up ultrasound [2x] Prep up [9x] Put your scans up ultrasound, ultrasound Put your scans up! Put your scans up! Put your scans up! Amputating below your thigh Nickname you Legolas for tonight And they say my stitch in time saves nine Stitch so seamless there’s no scar scar scar-line Oh! Oh! Put your gloves up Oh! Oh! Time to fix it now!!!! Put your gloves up Oh!!!Oh!!!Put your gloves up Zap that Everyday I’m paddling Suit your Suit your Suture Suture (Yeah Yeah) Suture Suture (Whoa!!!) Suture Suture Suture glands up Your glands up Fix your glands up Everyday I'm scrubbing in

Womb Expulsion Day

Today I celebrate the anniversary of being evicted out of my mother's uterus, so I would like to thank her for pushing me out of her body and up to greater heights (metaphorically, not literally, since she didn't pass on any good height genes). Embarrassingly, I forgot it was my birthday until I logged into Facebook (isn't Facebook great for birthday reminders?). I guess it's hard to remember one's own birthday when you don't look any older.

The shock of it being my birthday was however quickly eclipsed by the realisation I was 22.
sigh...why does the gap between a 21 and 22 year-old seem far greater than the gap between 20 and 21 year-old?

• Scientists have recently discovered that birthdays are great for one's health. Statistics (p<0.05) reveal that those that have more, have a longer life expectancy. 

• About to blow out my birthday candles, I was going to wish for a cure to cancer and AIDS. But then your decision to harmonise the end of Happy Birthday meant I had to wish you were dead.

• Hey, you used no capital letters, no smiley emoticons and only a single exclamation mark to wish me a happy birthday on Fb. Are you feeling alright man? I'm here if you ever need to talk about anything.